


i’d gladly break my own heart if it meant being loved by you

by lavenderlotion



Series: there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love [1]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fear, Flirting, Fluff, Grinding, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insecurity, Intimacy, Love Confessions, Lube, M/M, Making Out, Multiple Orgasms, Rutting, reassurance, sappy smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:46:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23477947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion/pseuds/lavenderlotion
Summary: “I’m in love with you,” Alex whispered, vision blurred with tears but words more honest than anythin’ he’d ever said in his entire fuckin' life. Darwin gasped and before Alex’s eyes his entire face seemed to glow with happiness that echoed in Alex’s chest.“Baby,” Darwin breathed, like it was a fuckin’ prayer, hands cool against his cheeks as they cupped his face, “Baby, I love you too.”
Relationships: Armando Muñoz/Alex Summers
Series: there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689052
Comments: 30
Kudos: 50





	1. afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was _not_ supposed to be this but here we are, four chapters later. ALSO: subscribe to the series for a special treat tomorrow!!!

Alex was an idiot. Alex was a massive  _ fuckin' idiot.  _ Holy shit, he was so fuckin' stupid, gettin’ fuckin' flustered because a goddamn boy smiled real pretty at him and said his name all low and deep, soundin’ like fuckin'  _ sex.  _ Not knowin’ up from down just ‘cause a hunk kissed him real slow and said his name like it was  _ indecent.  _ Losin’ his whole fuckin' head just ‘cause the guy he liked was kissin’ him. 

And now Alex was  _ fucked,  _ ‘cause he was an idiot. An idiot who got tongue-tied just ‘cause someone wanted him, just ‘cause someone didn’t mind touchin’ him,  _ liked touchin’ him.  _ All he had to do was say no and things would’ve been fine, no problems, fuckin'  _ groovy.  _ But instead of saying no, Alex was a fuckin' dumbass. 

“Want you to come to my room tonight, baby,” Darwin had said against his mouth, pressin’ the words into their kiss and makin’ it impossible for Alex to do anythin’ but agree, pantin’, breathlessly and hard in his fuckin' jeans. 

And he’d said okay, out of his goddamn mind with lust and willin’ to do  _ anythin’  _ to get Darwin to keep kissin’ him. He’d said okay, ‘cause he didn’t wanna lose Darwin, no matter what, and sayin’  _ no _ seemed like a sure-fire way to do that. It had in the past, and sure, Darwin wasn’t  _ nothin’  _ like Richard had been, but Alex knew what sayin’ no got him, and sayin’ no...

That just made it worse. Made it hurt more, if they decided to still go through with it. And Alex didn’t wanna hurt, not anymore, not when he thought he was done hurtin’. Maybe that made him a dumbass, thinking what Xavier said had been true, but the last few weeks had made it easy to believe. He didn’t  _ want _ the pain, even if he was used to it, and Xavier had told him nothin’ had to hurt ever again. He’d been a young, pretty boy in prison, and he  _ knew _ pain just as well as he knew the burnin’ destruction that warmed his chest. 

Hell, Alex didn’t know  _ anythin’  _ like he knew pain, causin’ it or takin’ it wouldn’t make no difference, not when it came to Darwin. Hell, on his bad days, Alex figured they were one and the same when it came to him. He’d gotten Darwin _ back  _ after bein’ the sole reason he’d been gone in the first place. If feelin’ a little pain was gonna get him to stay... Alex figured he owed him as much, after blowin’ him up. ‘Sides, a little bit of pain to keep Darwin was nothing, not when Darwin was... 

Fuck, Darwin was  _ everythin’. _ It scared him half to fuckin' death, havin’ someone that he cared ‘bout much as he cared ‘bout Darwin. And he cared ‘bout Darwin,  _ boy _ did he ever care ‘bout Darwin. More than Alex had  _ ever _ thought he’d care ‘bout someone again, after all the fuckin' shit he’d gone through. Carin’ ‘bout someone hurt more than it was worth, in Alex’s experience. But then Darwin had shown up, and he’d never been scared of Alex like he should’ve been, hangin’ ‘round, talkin’ to him,  _ touchin’  _ him until Darwin had settled under Alex’s skin and gotten himself stuck there. 

And the thing with Darwin was that Alex didn’t think Darwin would hurt him, not if he could help it, and Alex didn’t think he’d make it any worse than it had to be if they  _ did _ fuck, but... he could still leave. Could still get tired of Alex and find what he wanted with someone else. Damn well wouldn’t be the first one to ditch Alex just cause he wouldn’t put out. Alex could hope that he wouldn’t, but what fuckin' good was hopin’ for when it wasn’t like Alex had all that much to offer him, fresh outta prison with no money, no job, nothin’ but a fire sittin’ inside his chest that’d already killed him once. 

And so... he’d be okay. He’d done it before. And if that was what Darwin wanted... Alex could be okay with it. Could make it through it. Could grit his teeth and breathe and make sure it was real good for Darwin, ‘cause that’s what Darwin deserved. Darwin deserved everythin’, and Alex was gonna give him as much of everythin’ as he damn well could. 

* * *

Alex took a deep breath as he stared at Darwin’s door. There was a nick in the wood ‘bout eye level, and Alex’s eyes bored into at it as he flexed his hands at his sides. He was wearin’ a sweater that hadn’t been his at first but he now wore almost daily. The sleeves were a little long, reachin’ over his wrist and ticklin’ his palms. He focused on how it bunched under his fingers as he tightened his hand into a fist and knocked. 

He was so fucked. Alex had never been real good at takin’ it, but he knew he was gonna have to do it now. Darwin sure wouldn’t invite him over if he was gonna be the bitch, ‘specially when he didn’t even look like one: all long, strong muscles and confidence. Nah, there was no question about what Darwin wanted, though maybe... 

Alex had used his mouth before, a few times, and he figured he wasn’t too bad at it. Maybe he could do that, since it didn’t hurt even if he didn’t really like it? Maybe Darwin wouldn’t fuck him tonight, and they could keep things goin’ a little longer. Maybe Darwin wouldn’t smarten the fuck up and leave him, ‘least not yet. 

Just as he was tryin’ to take a deep breath the door swung open and  _ fuckin' hell,  _ Darwin was hot. Long, strong muscles was fuckin' right, all encased real tightly in dark skin. Alex stared at Darwin’s chest, at the smooth expanse of skin he’s never been able to stare at before, and knew he was lookin’ real stupid, standin’ in the doorway and pantin’ like some kinda dog in heat. 

“Hiya, baby,” Darwin said quietly, reachin’ out and wrappin’ his fingers ‘round Alex’s wrist real gently. He didn’t need to pull ‘cause Alex was already movin’ forward, gettin’ his fingers on Darwin’s jaw and kissin’ him right off the bat, needin’ to do somethin’ with all his nervous energy before it tore outta him in plasma rings. 

“Hey,” Alex said against his mouth, before he pressed back in, flicking his tongue over Darwin’s teeth, pressing it up behind his top lip before drawin’ the flesh into his mouth and suckin’ on it. He slid his hands ‘round Darwin’s neck and tugged him closer, pressin’ up against him. 

Darwin wasn’t wearin’ a shirt. Alex did his best not to think ‘bout what it meant. Tried to tell himself it didn’t have to mean anythin’, but... as Darwin kissed him back, hands holdin’ his hips real tight before kissin’ him real slow, Alex figured it was pretty obvious what he wanted. Much as Alex didn’t wanna do it, he didn’t wanna lose Darwin even more. 

He hoped his tremblin’ hands weren’t too obvious as he took a little step back. Darwin moved after him, not breakin’ the kiss, and it was sweet enough that Alex laughed a little. When Darwin finally moved back, his smile was stunnin’, the prettiest damn thing Alex had ever seen even if he’d never wanna say it. Fuck, Alex couldn’t lose him.

He didn’t try to make it sexy when he took off Darwin’s sweater. He wouldn’t know how anyway, so he grabbed the hem and pulled it over his head. Darwin still whistled like a dork, and it made Alex blush. 

“Oh sweetheart, you are gorgeous,” Darwin told him, and Alex felt his face get even warmer as he shrugged. No one had called him nothin’ like that before, which made it kinda hard to believe. What made it harder was that it was  _ Darwin _ tellin’ him that, who was hot as sin himself. Still, he believed that Darwin meant it, since he’d never known the other man to say somethin’ without meaning it. 

“Thanks, Mando,” Alex said quietly, movin’ back in and gettin’ his hands on Darwin’s cool skin, always so different to Alex, who always felt like he was overheatin’ no matter what and balancin’ him out perfectly. He fitted his fingers to Darwin’s ribs, stared at the contrast between their skin, and thought maybe he’d enjoy it just cause it was Darwin. 

Alex kissed him again instead of thinkin’ ‘bout it too hard, steppin’ back up and pressin’ real close. He’d never done this before, never kissed no one without their shirts on, and the way their chests brushed together made him breathless. He was hard and strainin’ in his pants even if he was nervous, pressin’ almost painfully ‘gainst the zipper of his jeans. 

Since they were gonna fuck anyway, he stripped them off. He was still scared, still stressin’ the fuck out, but he was tryin’ to focus on how it felt to kiss Darwin, how his fingers felt ‘gainst his chest, how much he cared ‘bout him. Alex had never been fucked by someone he liked before, and even if it was gonna hurt... maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. 

‘Cause... well, he was pretty fuckin’ sure Erik and Xavier were fuckin’, but more than that they seemed to be, like, in love with each other. And he never saw neither of ‘em limpin’ ever, so maybe it wasn’t too bad when you liked the person. Or, maybe  _ they _ did mouth shit, and maybe after this time Darwin would be down with doin’ mouth shit too, since that didn’t hurt at all. 

“Whoa baby,” Darwin said, pullin’ back a little to look and drawin’ him back into the moment. Alex as wearin’ some black underwear he got in the village, durin’ a real weird shoppin’ trip with Xavier, and they fit him real tight. He’d thought they looked good, and clearly Darwin did too with how he was starin’.  _ “Whoa, baby,  _ look at you.”

“Like ‘em?” Alex asked, not sure where to put his hands. Luckily Darwin grabbed his hips so Alex grabbed his wrists, holding onto him as Darwin’s thumbs rubbed over the elastic band that fit snugly ‘gainst his waist. 

“Fuck yeah, baby,” Darwin told him sweetly, leanin’ in for a longer, dirtier kiss. Alex let it distract him even as he walked them towards the bed, pressin’ Darwin back till the man’s legs hit the mattress. Alex shoved him onto it with a grin, doin’ his best not to look like he was scared outta his fuckin' mind even as fear raced up his spine and made him shiver.

He followed Darwin down, straddlin’ his hips and kissin’ him again. Alex could kiss, ‘specially  _ Darwin,  _ and it made him feel safe to press their mouths together. He liked the way kissin’ Darwin felt and he focused on that best he could as he forced himself not to think about how it was gonna hurt, forced himself to not think about the stretch, the way it was gonna burn, maybe even fuckin' tear, and how he’d probably start cryin’.

When he couldn’t stop thinkin’ about it, the fear makin’ his heart race and consumin’ him so fully he couldn’t even lose himself in the drag of Darwin’s hands on his skin, he moved onto the bed and got himself laid on his stomach ‘fore he pushed his underwear under the swell of his ass. He took a deep breath and gritted his teeth real tight as he pushed his hips up, showin’ off in a way that made his stomach feel real sick. 

“I’m ready, Dar,” Alex said, ignorin’ how his voice was shakin’ and fistin’ his hands into the sheets under him. They smelled nice, like detergent, and somethin’ in Alex’s chest felt real fuckin’ warm even if he wanted to cry ‘bout what was gonna happen. 

“Alex?” Darwin’s voice was heavy with somethin’ Alex hadn’t really heard before, ‘least not from him. He flinched real bad when Darwin’s fingers touched his thigh, but he whimpered loudly when they moved off of him. After a long second of silence where Alex didn’t breathe  _ at all _ , Darwin’s fingers were back on him, his big, warm hand brushin’ up and down Alex’s back slowly. “Baby, what do you mean you’re ready?”

“M’ready for you to fuck me,” Alex muttered. His cheeks got real warm and he squirmed, not likin’ the feelin’ that was growin’ in his chest and in his stomach. It made him feel stupid, like when he’d been back in school and the teachers called him out on shit he didn’t know cause he moved around too fuckin’ much to ever learn nothin’.

“Baby,” Darwin started, but then he took a deep breath before he said anythin’ else. “Alex, sweetheart, you ain’t ready for  _ no one _ to fuck you, not like that.”

Alex frowned, rubbin’ his face against the sheet as he tried to figure out what Darwin meant. Sure, he wasn’t  _ ready _ as in he wanted it to happen, but Darwin couldn’t know that. Alex was pretty fuckin’ sure that telepathy wasn’t something he could just adapt... right?

“Have you done this before?” Darwin asked quietly, still rubbin’ his back. Alex didn’t move ‘cause he didn’t know what he would do anyway. He nodded ‘gainst the bed, but then Darwin asked, “Alright, baby. Have you done this with someone you care about before?”

“The fuck that matter?” Alex asked roughly. He sure as hell didn’t like bein’ reminded that no one had ever wanted him in any way that fuckin’ mattered, and that’s all Darwin’s words were doin’.

“Because, baby, if I were to fuck you right now, it would hurt.”

Alex frowned deeper, tryin’ to figure out what the hell Darwin was sayin’. Eventually, he just said, “Yeah, and I said I was ready for it.”

Silence rang out, and it made Alex angry. Here he was, doing’ what Darwin wanted and still somehow fuckin’ it up. ‘Course he was, seein’ as he couldn’t fuckin’ do nothing right; just some dumb orphan fuck up who landed themselves in fuckin’ prison, a murderer who did nothin’ but hurt people, who _ killed _ people, just ‘cause he got too angry.  _ Fuck, _ but why the hell was Darwin bein’ such an  _ asshole? _

“Fine. I’m fuckin' outta here,” Alex muttered, pushin’ himself up and gettin’ off of the bed real fast. He grabbed his clothes from the floor and told himself he wasn’t fuckin' cryin’, even if tears were drippin’ off of his chin and onto his chest.  _ Fuck,  _ he felt like a fuckin' pussy, cryin’ ‘cause some guy didn’t want him when it was all Alex’s fault that Darwin didn’t want him in the first place. 

“Baby,” Darwin called quietly, but Alex whirled around and pointed at him. 

“Don’t fuckin' call me that,” Alex snapped, gettin’ real warm and tryin’ to shove it back down. He didn’t need to explode right now Fuck, he  _ really  _ didn’t need to explode right now. Not when Darwin was in the room, watchin’ him with heavy eyes, half outta the bed and reachin’ out for him, just like he’d done all those months ago before Alex had  _ killed _ him. 

“Alex, please, don’t just run off on me,” Darwin pleaded. When Alex looked up at Darwin’s face, he looked fuckin’ gutted, and somethin’ in him broke. 

Wrappin’ his arms around himself, Alex let out a noise that sounded an awful lot like a fuckin’ sob. He didn’t cry a lot but he had cried before: as a kid bein’ tossed ‘round from homes, then after Richard, then his first night in jail, then after he’d  _ killed _ someone, but this was so much worse than any of those times. Before he even knew it Darwin was there, his long, long arms wrappin’ all the way ‘round Alex’s body and holdin’ him tightly enough that Alex knew he could break apart. He hid his face in Darwin’s shoulder and cried, pushin’ the heat outta his body in tears instead of plasma. 

Darwin’s lips were cool ‘gainst his forehead and movin’, but Alex was too busy cryin’ to hear what he was sayin’. God, he sure managed to fuck this up. It took him a while to calm down, but the whole time Darwin held him real tight and rubbed his back, not sayin’ anything or trying’ to move away. 

It made it easier to breathe, easier to think clearly. Seein’ as Darwin was doin’ nothin’ but holdin’ him as he sobbed like a fuckin’ baby, he... didn’t think that Darwin was gonna leave him, even if he  _ had _ fucked it all up, which was really nice. No one had ever stayed before, had ever wanted him ‘nough for that. When he finally clued into what Darwin was sayin’, it made him blush with how sweet he was bein’. 

“Mando stop,” Alex muttered, embarrassed, and immediately Darwin closed his mouth. Alex hugged him tightly, terrified he’d fucked up again. Rather than pullin’ away, though, Darwin kissed his forehead. 

“Can I call you baby?” Darwin asked gently, and Alex let out a choked laugh even as he nodded real quick. 

“Love it when you call me baby,” he admitted quietly, and then he wanted to say more but couldn’t, not when Darwin’s skin was wet with his tears and he may have fucked it all up all fuckin’ over again, ‘cause that seemed to be all Alex was good at, even with Darwin.

“Good. I like being sweet on you,” Darwin told him. He shifted, and Alex made a real desperate noise as he clung to him tightly. “Just wanna see your face, baby. Mind if I move back just a little?”

Alex nodded, but he didn’t move for several minutes. He didn’t wanna let Darwin see him, not when he’d been cryin’ like a fuckin' idiot, all over somethin’ so stupid that he’d caused. Eventually, he had to move, even if all he really wanted was to keep himself buried in Darwin’s skin. 

“There he is,” Darwin said quietly, moving his hands so they were holdin’ Alex’s head, cuppin’ the back of his neck. “That didn’t seem like too much fun. You feeling better?”

Alex shrugged, not really sure what the right answer was and not wantin’ to say the wrong thing again. Darwin nodded thoughtfully and rubbed his thumbs over Alex’s jaw, before movin’ in real slow and kissin’ him so, so sweetly. 

“Come on now, can we go to bed so I can hold you?” Darwin asked against his mouth, and even if Alex didn’t understand what was goin’ on, he nodded. He’d always wanna be close to Darwin.

He didn’t move till Darwin did, the taller man walkin’ them back to the bed. Darwin’s hands were wide and cool against his skin, and they trailed down his sides before restin’ ‘gainst his underwear. Alex felt like a fuckin' fool for tryin’ dress up. Sure, Darwin had liked it before, but there was no way he’d want Alex after all the shit he’d pulled. He was just bein’ nice, just lettin’ him down easy ‘cause that’s the kinda guy that he was. 

“I’m just pulling up your underwear baby, okay?” Darwin said quietly, then tugged them over Alex’s ass. Alex felt his face get warm, but he didn’t say nothin’. Hell, he didn’t know what he could possibly say to fix what he’d gone and ruined so badly. 

Alex chanced a glance up, only to curl his shoulders in when he met Darwin’s eyes. They were bloodshot, and his cheeks were stained. He looked like he’d been crying, somethin’ else that was Alex’s fault. Fuck. 

“Were you crying?” Alex asked quietly, finally reaching out again and pressing his fingers softly to the sharp line of Darwin’s jaw. 

Darwin nodded, and Alex made a hurt noise before Darwin said, “I didn’t like seeing my boy hurting so badly.”

“I’m fine,” Alex muttered, not riskin’ another chance up at Darwin’s eyes. 

“Baby... please just come lie down and let me hold you, please?” Darwin asked him softly, and there was a plea in his voice that Alex found he couldn’t say no to. He nodded, and he let Darwin tangle their hands together and pull him towards the bed. 

Darwin didn’t look back when his calves hit the bed, just fell back onto it and then scooted back till he was in the middle of the big mattress all the rooms Xavier gave ‘em had. Alex followed, their hands still tangled together, ‘till Darwin fell onto his side with one arm thrown out over the beddin’. Alex looked at the empty space next to the bed with a frown, before he realized Darwin was leavin’ that space open for him. 

He ducked his head, wonderin’ if he was ever gonna stop feelin’ stupid, but lied down. Soon as he was on his side, head pillowed on Darwin’s bicep and facin’ away ‘cause he couldn’t handle lookin’ into Darwin’s eyes, Darwin grabbed the comforter that had been moved outta the way and tugged it up over them. Alex shivered at the rush of air ‘fore he scooted backward, pressin’ more of himself to Darwin’s skin. 

“Here we are, sweetheart,” Darwin said, and he hugged Alex even tighter. “This is perfect, baby, just what I wanted.” 

Alex nodded, but he couldn’t bring himself to say nothin’. He still felt like a fuckin’ dumbass, but it was real nice to have Darwin holdin’ him. It made him feel safe, Darwin’s strong arm wrapped ‘round his waist, hand pressin’ to his chest. No one had ever held him like this, hell, no one had ever even  _ wanted  _ to hold him like this, and it felt so good. 

Takin’ a deep breath, he wrapped his fingers ‘round Darwin’s hand and pressed it firmer against his chest and held it there. Maybe... if Darwin wanted to hold him like no one else ever had, maybe he’d stay like no one ever had either. 

Eyes stingin’ with tears, Alex took a deep breath and told himself it was gonna be alright, ‘cause it was Darwin holdin’ him. 

Anythin’ could be alright like this. 


	2. absolved

Alex didn’t often sleep too good. He was used to never bein’ comfortable ‘nough to sleep, bounced from house to house, or havin’ to be aware of his surroundin’s, always bein’ on edge ‘cause he  _ had  _ to be. There was nothin’ safe ‘bout sleepin’ in prison,  _ ’specially _ when he looked like he did. But that night, wrapped up in Darwin’s arms, Alex slept like a fuckin’ baby for the first time in his whole life. 

Sure, he still tossed and turned throughout the night, but each time he started wakin’ up, too unused to havin’ someone else ‘side him in bed, wrapped ‘round him, Darwin would calm him back down and Alex was back to sleep ‘fore he’d even realized he’d begun wakin’ up. He hadn’t noticed it till mornin’—or whenever it was when he finally decided to push past the hazy hold of sleep—and he realized he’d never once fully woken up like he was real prone to doin’. 

Now, Alex was mostly awake, still toyin’ the line of bein’ sleep and not sure if he wanted to wake up. He was comfortable, feelin’ so, so safe tucked away in Darwin’s arms. Darwin, who was still holdin’ him, who’d held him all fuckin' night, and was kissin’ his forehead since at some point he must’ve rolled over. Alex’s mouth twitched up into a real soft smile, and he let himself drift back off into the warm safety of Darwin’s arms. 

Sometime later, Alex stirred again and finally admitted he should probably wake up once and face whatever the hell was no doubt gonna be waitin’ for him. He’d never felt so rested, not since before prison, maybe even ‘fore the foster houses. Hell, he couldn’t even  _ ‘member _ the last time he’d woken up feelin’ like this.

“Mornin’, Mando,” he murmured, voice feelin’ thick with sleep. He moved closer, pushin’ himself right ‘gainst Darwin’s body and nuzzlin’ into his chest. He knew he’d have to talk ‘bout last night, have to admit to what a fuckin’ failure he was but... he could hide away for a little bit longer. 

“Good morning, baby,” Darwin said real softly. Alex hummed, likin’ it when Darwin’s arm wrapped even tighter ‘round his waist to tug him closer. “How’re you feeling? Any better?”

Alex shrugged, but he said nothin’. He just wasn’t ready to disappoint Darwin, to let him down any more than he’d already let him down the night before. Not after he’d done so bad last night. Darwin was starin’ at him like he expected a real answer outta him, but his face was open and real, real pretty. Everythin’ ‘bout Darwin was real pretty, his full lips ‘n his dark eyes ‘n the long, muscled lines he was made of.

Alex had to kiss him. Most of the time, when he got to kiss him, it still felt like he was stealin’ somethin’. There was no way Alex deserved someone like Darwin, ‘specially when Darwin seemed to like him so fuckin' much. Half the time it felt like he was dreamin’, and Darwin was just some made-u up man Alex was fantasizin’ about while locked up in solitary. But Darwin was real—fuck, losin’ Darwin had hurt so fuckin' much that he  _ had  _ to be real—and he  _ wanted _ him, ‘parently, and that... 

Sometimes he had trouble believin’ it. So he kissed Darwin real soft, cause he still  _ could _ and maybe... maybe nothin’ had to end.

Alex pulled back enough that he could rest their foreheads together, breathin’ in a shaky breath that tasted like Darwin’s lips. He was so sure Darwin was gonna leave him.  _ Of course, _ Darwin was gonna leave him, since Alex was a foster home reject who’d been to fuckin'  _ jail, _ and Darwin was the most amazing man Alex had ever fuckin' met. That didn’t mean he wanted it to happen. He wanted to push it off, to let himself pretend it would be fine, but that wasn’t fair to Darwin and he... fuck, Alex really fuckin' loved him. 

“About last night...” Alex began, tryin’ to work up the courage to be honest. He’d always been a pussy, he knew that, and he was so fuckin’ scared’about bein’ alone even as he hated himself for it and he... fuck, he really didn’t wanna lose Darwin. 

“We don’t gotta talk about it, sweetheart,” Darwin told him quietly, their lips brushin’ together, “but I wanna make sure you’re okay, yeah? I care about you a whole lot, Alex, and I don’t like it when you’re hurt.”

“I’m fine,” Alex insisted, just like he’d done the night before. Sure, it wasn’t necessarily  _ true,  _ but he wasn’t hurt or nothin’, ‘n so he’d been in worse conditions before, ‘n this, lyin’ in bed wrapped up in Darwin, wasn’t bad no matter how shitty Alex was feelin’. 

“Okay,” Darwin said, then was silent for a few minutes. Alex’s heart started kickin’ up, and he pressed in for a kiss in hopes that he could delay what was gonna happen. Darwin kissed him back, and Alex let out a breath through his nose, movin’ even closer as he tried to deepen the kiss. 

Darwin didn’t let him, and fear started climbin’ up Alex’s belly. He knew how this went. He knew what was ‘bout to happen, and before he could think about sayin’ anythin’ else an apology was slippin’ past his lips even as he skewed his eyes shut to stop them from burnin’. “I’m so sorry, Dar, I’m so, so sorry.”

“Baby, what’re you talking about?” Darwin asked him softly. Alex didn’t open his eyes ‘cause couldn’t bring himself to see Darwin’s face when he knew this was the end. Darwin’s fingers were cool against his jaw, rubbin’ against his skin and Alex felt like he was gonna die, knowin’ this would be the last time he’d get to feel them. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, mumbling the words as he tried to breathe in. His chest felt tight, ‘n he kept his eyes screwed closed. He didn’t want his last sight of Darwin to be his face ‘fore the man broke his heart, ‘cause he was sure Darwin was gonna look real apologetic and that wasn’t somethin’ Alex wanted to see, not when he knew Darwin would’ve meant it, too.

“Baby...” Darwin trailed off into nothin’. Alex wanted to tell him to stop callin’ him baby like he did last night, but he couldn’t find the anger that he’d been runnin’ off of last night. All he felt was an echoin’ emptiness, knowin’ he was gonna lose the person he cared for more than he’d  _ ever _ cared for anyone and that it was all gonna be his fuckin’ fault. 

Darwin sighed, and the noise had Alex flinchin’ back, tensin’ up, knowin’ this was it, this was when Darwin was gonna end it and— “Alex, I’m not sure what you keep apologizing for.”

Alex finally opened his eyes, lookin’ up at Darwin with a frown twistin’ his lips down. Darwin’s face was... Alex wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen an expression like it ‘fore, but he didn’t know what the hell it meant and he didn’t know how to make it any better, not when things were so bad and he’d been the one to fuck it all up. He took a deep breath and tried to figure out if Darin was genuinely askin’, or if he was just tryin’ to get Alex to fuss up to what he did to make him feel even worse.

The latter seemed real fuckin’ shitty, so slowly Alex said, “I ruined last night.”

Darwin made a noise, more of an exhalation of air through his nose, and his fingers moved to cup Alex’s cheek ‘fore slidin’ down till his hand was curled ‘round the side of Alex’s neck and holdin’ him firmly. “Alex, nothing was ruined last night,” Darwin told him slowly. 

His thumb brushed over Alex’s Adam’s apple and made him shiver real bad. Alex frowned, not real likin’ the way Darwin was speakin’ to him, makin’ it sound like Alex was stupid with how slowly he was speakin’, but knowin’ he didn’t have much he could say. 

“I fucked up, Dar,” Alex explained, the nickname slipping out ‘fore he could think better about usin’ it and twistin’ his heart up. “You don’t gotta spare my feelin’s or nothin’.”

“I asked you to spend the night, yeah?” Darwin asked him. Alex nodded, tryin’ his best to focus on the way Darwin’s hand was curled around his neck and holdin’ him, lettin’ the coolness of his skin ground him. “When I asked you to spend the night, I was asking you to spend the night. That’s it.”

Alex’s brows furrowed as he tried to work through what Darwin was sayin’. “I don’t...” Richard had told him that gettin’ asked to stay the night meant fuckin'. He’d been pretty damn clear ‘bout it as he kicked Alex outta his house, so Alex knew what it meant when a man asked ya to stay over. “You asked me to fuck. That’s what it means.”

Alex hated the way he sounded like he was askin’, voice raisin’ at the end even if he didn’t want it to. He felt like a fuckin’ dumbass that didn’t know nothin’—didn’t know how to fuck, didn’t know what shit meant, didn’t know how to be  _ good. _ God, all he ever fuckin’ did was fuck up, but this time he had no goddamn idea how to make any of it better, and  _ all _ he wanted was to make it better. 

“I... I could give ya head? I’m good at it, Dar, I promise,” Alex told him quietly, hopin’ that’d be enough, that Darwin would still want him and he could make it up to him. 

“No, Alex. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear, or if I led you on, but I really was just asking you over to spend the night,” Darwin’s eyes were real honest. Alex let himself get lost in ‘em, a dangerous, wondrous hope risin’ up his chest ‘n makin’ it real hard to breathe. Darwin ducked his eyes, and his cheeks tinted a little pink as he said, “I just wanted to spend the night holding ya. Hadn’t meant it as a come on, baby, I promise.”

“No one’s ever wanted to do that ‘fore,” Alex said ‘fore he could think anythin’ of it. Darwin’s hand slid from his neck and wrapped back around his waist. Alex moved forward on instinct, ignorin’ his racin’ heart and the ringin’ in his ears and focusin’ on the way Darwin’ was pullin’ him in. “I... there was this guy, once,” Alex started, starin’ at Darwin’s collar bone. “I thought he cared about me, ya know? He was a good friend of the foster family I was with, and he seemed real friendly whenever he came over. One night he asked if I wanted to go out on a drive with him, and the folks didn’t say nothin’ against it, so I went. I didn’t know he was gonna kiss me, but it felt pretty good, so I went with it.”

Takin’ a deep breath, Alex did his best to keep talkin’ even if his throat was burnin’ and his eyes were stingin’. He could still remember how much of a fuckin' dumbass he’d felt life, showin’ up at Richard’s house with an overnight bag only to be kicked out when he didn’t wanna get fucked. “He asked me to spend the night, once. Told me it meant we were gonna have sex, that everyone knew that, and that I was just a dumb kid ‘cause I didn’t want him to fuck me.”

Darwin didn’t say nothin’, and Alex thought his heart was gonna beat outta his chest for how fast it was racin’ behind his ribs. This was all too much, and Alex was rememberin’ shit he preferred to keep locked ‘way where he didn’t have to think on it and definitely didn’t have to deal with it. Darwin’s eyes closed and he took a real deep breath, lettin’ it out slowly through his nose. 

“Alex, baby, how old was this man?” Darwin asked him quietly, and Alex ducked his head. 

He knew it was kinda pathetic that he’d had to date a thirty-year-old just ‘cause no one his age had ever liked him, but... more than that he didn’t wanna lie, so he said, “Not really sure, but he was around the age as the foster parents.”

“Alright, that’s... alright,” Darwin said. Alex watched as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then he asked, “But... you did have sex with him?”

Alex shook his head, feelin’ like a fuckin' dumbass when his heart ached. “Nah. He didn’t talk to me again.”

Darwin didn’t say anythin’ to that, but he pulled Alex closer and pressed his face into Alex’s hair. Alex sure wasn’t gonna push him away, so he snaked his arm back ‘round Darwin’s waist so he could hug him back when he still got to. He knew he was gettin’ longer than he deserved, and he wasn’t sure why Darwin hadn’t kicked him out, but as he pressed his face ‘gainst the warm skin of Darwin’s neck, he said nothin’. 

Alex rubbed his hand up and down Darwin’s back in a way he hoped was comfortin’. He didn’t know why Darwin was so upset, but it was makin’ Alex’s whole chest feel tight knowin’ Darwin was hurtin’. All of Alex’s anger was drained outta him, gone after a long night of the best sleep he’d had in years, and no matter how he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to be mad. Darwin hadn’t done nothin’. It was Alex who’d fucked it all up. 

Eventually, Darwin started to pull back, his lips pressed ‘gainst Alex’s forehead. Alex made a noise of fear, but Darwin only moved back far ‘nough for them to look at one another. “Thank you for telling me that, baby,” Darwin told him heavily, and then added, “I really appreciate you being so brave.”

Alex shrugged, not really feelin’ too brave when all he’d done was tell Darwin ‘bout Richard. He didn’t feel like talkin’ all too much more and he closed his eyes, takin’ a deep breath that smelt like the two of ‘em and ignorin’ the way he wanted to cry. It was all so long ago and so much more shit had happened since then that it shouldn’t have even mattered no more. He felt like a dumbass bein’ so upset ‘bout it. 

“Can I hold you for a while?” Darwin asked him quietly, more of a whisper then anythin’ else.

Alex nodded, a bit confused since that’s what they were doin’ already. Darwin let out a big breath, then the arm tucked up under his head was movin’ down the bed and slippin’ under Alex’s side and curlin’ ‘round his back. ‘Fore he could ask what Darwin was doin’, the man was liftin’ Alex right up and movin’ him till he was all laid out over Darwin’s chest, legs between his as he shifted ‘em to give him more space. 

Darwin kept shiftin’ around till they were both lyin’ comfortably, Alex laid out ‘tween his legs and his head pillowed over Darwin’s collarbone. The other man made a happy soundin’ noise that caused Alex to smile despite how shit he was feelin’, and he got himself settled as Darwin wrapped both of his arms around him and held him real tight. 

Alex let himself get comfortable, closin’ his eyes as Darwin’ held him and rubbed a hand up and down his back. It felt real good, better than anythin’ ever experienced before, and he tried to lose himself in the contact. He was feelin’ a helluva lot better than he’d been that mornin’, but there was still a bead of fear in the back of his head that Darwin was gonna leave, that Alex was just too fucked up for anythin’ close to this good. 

Takin’ a deep breath, Alex drew up as much courage as he could find within himself and whispered, “So... you’re not done with me?” 

Darwin’s fingers clenched at his back, nails diggin’ into his skin as Darwin took a real deep breath and gave him a look. “Baby, I never even  _ considered _ being done with you. You still care about me, yeah?”

“Fuck yes,” Alex swore

“Good. ‘Cause I still care about you... I care about you a whole helluva lot, Alex, and none of that’s changed, baby,” Darwin’s voice was steady, and his words sounded real honest. Alex couldn’t stop himself from getting his knees under him then leanin’ up and givin’ him a kiss. 

This time, Darwin let him deepen it. Alex let out a quiet moan, slidin’ his hands up Darwin’s sides to cup his face and kiss him real nice and slow. They’d never kissed like this, nearly naked and pressed all together. God, it was the best thing Alex had ever felt, even better than the few times in prison when someone’d sucked him off, ‘cause this was  _ Darwin, _ and Alex cared ‘bout him so, so much. 

Their lips moved together slowly. Alex’s whole body was warm, but it was a different warmth than his mutation. This was a comfortable heat that built from his belly up, slidin’ down all of his limbs till it was all he could feel, wantin’ so much more ‘cause it was the best thing he’d ever felt. He was growin’ hard, nearly overwhelmed by how much of ‘em were touchin’ and how close they were. Darwin’s skin was cool to the touch, growin’ cooler as Alex’s got warmer and warmer, balancin’ him out. 

It felt so good, and Alex got Darwin’s bottom lip ‘tween his teeth and bit down, Darwin’s moan lit his skin on fire, got him all the way hard, and Alex was damn proud he caused it. Flickin’ his tongue out, Alex pressed even closer, his hips grindin’ into Darwin’s stomach where he was hard, then grindin’ back where  _ Darwin’ _ was hard. He wasn’t nearly as scared as he’d been, reassured that Darwin still wanted him, and he kissed him for all his worth. 

Darwin didn’t let it get too far, though. Alex felt his hand move from his back to his hips, holdin’ him steady when Alex tried to grind into him again. He whined, annoyed, and sucked on Darwin’s lip in the way he liked. It didn’t do nothin’, and ‘ventually Alex stopped tryin’ to move his hips, not wantin’ to push it too far. 

Their kiss gentled, ‘came somethin’ that felt a helluva lot like lovin’, and it made his chest feel real tight ‘cause it was so full. It was almost too much, and he slid his knees back down the bed till he was lyin’ out over Darwin, ignorin’ where they were both hard and wantin’ ‘cause that seemed to be what Darwin wanted. 

Slowly, the kissin’ stopped till they were just breathin’ the same air. Alex pushed himself up ‘nough on his elbows to see Darwin’s face. He was so fuckin’ gorgeous, and even now, even knowin’ Darwin wanted him, it was hard to believe that someone  _ so good  _ could want someone like Alex. 

“‘Fore we go any further, baby, I want us to talk,” Darwin told him heavily. “I don’t wanna push you or make you say nothing you don’t want to, but I don’t want last night to ever happen again, alright? I hate seeing you hurting.”

“I’m fine,” Alex mumbled, but still he nodded his head, settlin’ back in even though they were both still hard. Alex kept expectin’ him to do somethin’ ‘bout it, to touch him or slide a hand down to his ass, but he never did. His hands kept smoothin’ down his back and his arousal was pressin’ into his hip, but he wasn’t doin’  _ anythin’  _ ‘bout it. 

Alex didn’t know what that meant. 

“When we have do have sex, it isn’t going to hurt either of us, alright?” Darwin told him seriously. Alex dug his chin into Darwin’s chest and let a small smile slip over his face when the skin formed ‘round him so they were both comfortable. It was kinda weird, but it made lookin’ at Darwin while lyin’ all out over him real easy. “You said you were ready last night ‘fore we’d done any prep.”

Alex furrowed his brow at the term, wonderin’ what Darwin meant. “S-sometimes the guys wanted—” Alex cut himself off, takin’ a deep breath and movin’ his head so it was lyin’ on Darwin’s chest and he didn’t have to look at him ‘fore he tried talkin’ again, his stomach feelin’ real tight with nerves he didn’t like the feel of. “I-in prison, sometimes they’d want me to give ‘em head first. ‘Fore they fucked me. Is... that what you mean?”

Once again Darwin’s nails dug into his back but he was real quick to apologize. He could hear Darwin’s heart racin’, and the arousal ‘gainst his hip started to soften. Alex made a noise he didn’t mean to make, soundin’ like a fuckin’ dumbass till Darwin said, “I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry. I don’t like hearing about you being hurt when all I wanna do is keep you safe.” Darwin took a breath deep enough that Alex’s head rose where it was restin’ on his chest. He ran a hand up and down Darwin’s side tryin’ to comfort him, not sure what the hell he was supposed to do to something like that. 

No one has  _ ever  _ wanted to protect him ‘fore. 

“No, baby, that’s not what I meant as prep. Have you ever used lube before?” Darwin asked him quietly. Alex shook his head, feelin’ like a fuckin’ dumbass for now knowin’ this shit even if he knew Darwin wouldn’t’ve wanted that. “O-okay, baby. Lube is like an oil that makes things real slippery. It feels real good when you're stroking yourself, and it feels real good during penetration. Fact is, I’d never wanna try’n fuck no one without it.”

“Oh,” Alex whispered, his heart racin’ and matchin’ the fast beat of Darwin’s as he asked, “And that’s... normal?”

Darwin shrugged, but Alex could tell what he meant when he said, “Everyone’s different, baby. I know women lubricate a bit themselves, naturally, but an asshole doesn’t have nothing like that. I wouldn’t wanna fuck someone dry, ‘cause I know that’d hurt them.”

Alex’s next breath shuddered outta him when he realized what Darwin was implyin’ without sayin’ it, and his voice was real thick when he asked, “It don’t gotta hurt?”

“Baby  _ no,”  _ Darwin told him immediately, kissin’ the top of his head. “I promise you, baby, it won’t hurt. And if it does, you tell me, and we’ll slow down, and I’ll make you feel  _ so _ good ‘fore we go any further, okay?”

Alex forced himself to push up onto his elbows so he could look at Darwin’s face. His eyes were real gentle, filled with somethin’ Alex hadn’t ever seen before but thought looked a lot like somethin’ he sure as hell wasn’t ready to name. When he spoke his voice was real heavy, and his eyes were burnin’ with tears, and his heart was so, so full of love. “C-can... ’Mando, can you show me what it’s ‘posed to feel like? Please?”


	3. Chapter 3

Silence rang out, almost deafenin’. Alex’s heart was beatin’ outta his chest, racin’ away behind his ribs and makin’ him feel breathless. Darwin’s eyes were gorgeous, the warmest shade of brown Alex had ever seen, and he loved them, loved even more to lose himself in ‘em. He wasn’t sure if he loved ‘em ‘cause he loved  _ Darwin  _ or if he just loved ‘em ‘cause they were a real nice shade of brown. Alex didn’t really have a frame of reference for these things but... 

Yeah, he figured he loved Darwin’s eyes ‘cause he loved Darwin. If that made him a fuckin' sap—well, who the fuck cared? Alex was  _ safe, _ at least for the time bein’, and he didn’t need to keep bein’ strong. Maybe he  _ could _ care about Darwin, and it would be okay? 

Just as Alex was openin’ his mouth to ask Darwin what was wrong or apologize for puttin’ his fuckin' foot in his mouth and askin’ for too much, Darwin took a real deep breath and closed his eyes for a second ‘fore he gave Alex a real sweet smile. 

“Alright,” Darwin said after another minute of silence where they watched each other with racin’ hearts. “Yeah, baby, if you’re feeling up to it... yeah.”

Alex grinned, unable to hold himself back from leanin’ up and gettin’ a kiss. He still felt kinda down from last night and the talk they’d had that mornin’ was makin’ him feel heavy. He’d told Darwin shit he didn’t think  _ he’d _ ever tell anyone, and all Darwin had done was hold him real close and accept him, even though Alex was a fuck up who didn’t deserve someone like Darwin. 

It felt really good, now, to take a kiss. Darwin grinned against his mouth, kissin’ him back and smoothin’ his hands down the bare skin of Alex’s back. Their chests bein’ pressed together was still the most skin they’d ever had touchin’ before, and now that Alex wasn’t freakin’ the fuck out, he was able to focus on just how good it felt. 

Each time one of them breathed the pressure pressin’ against one another changed, just a bit. Alex had never kissed  _ no one _ like this, not without so many clothes, hands slidin’ over bare skin. Darwin tasted so good, tasted like fuckin'  _ sunlight _ if Alex was feelin’ real sappy ‘bout it all, and they kept kissin’ real filthy. 

‘Fore long, Alex couldn’t stop the way his hips were twitchin’ forward, dick strainin’ and wantin’ more. He hadn’t been this hard in  _ years, _ not when everythin’ always hurt so goddamn much. Alex felt like he could blow his fuckin' load right then and there, which made him whine into the kiss as somethin’ like embarrassment climbed up his chest. 

He didn’t have another second to worry about it ‘fore Darwin was suckin’ on his tongue like he was  _ tryin’ _ to make him come. Alex moaned loudly, doin’ his best to keep up and kiss him back, drawin’ his fingertips over Darwin’s collarbones, up his neck, tracin’ the strong curve of his jaw. He was so gorgeous and Alex mapped out all the things he loved ‘bout him with his hands as Darwin’s did the same, his cool, firm hands moved over Alex’s back and his shoulders and down his arms. 

Even though they weren’t fuckin', this felt like the most intimate thing Alex had ever done with anyone. The way Darwin was keepin’ him close, pressed in the cradle of his knees with their bare chests rubbin’ together and their hands runnin’ over each other’s skin made Alex feel more exposed than  _ anythin’ _ he’d ever done with anyone else ever had. 

‘Cause this was Darwin, and they weren’t just gettin’ off, or fuckin', but they... fuckin' hell, but it felt like they were makin’ love and all they were doin’ was kissin’. Alex kissed him harder, didn’t stop kissin’ him till he was breathless, then moved away to kiss down his jaw ‘fore movin’ back up to his lips. 

“Do you know what you want to do, baby?” Darwin asked him real sweetly, their lips still movin’ together. Alex shook his head, suckin’ on Darwin’s jaw and scratchin’ over his goatee with his teeth ‘till Darwin moaned. “That’s fine, darling. What do you  _ like _ to do?”

“I like kissin’ you,” he admitted, his cheek so fuckin' warm they felt like they were burnin’. The embarrassment was worth the way Darwin smiled at him, real gently, kinda proud, and makin’ Alex’s chest feel real fuckin' warm. 

“I like kissing you too,” Darwin told him, which made Alex all but preen ‘fore he leaned in to have some more of those kisses they each liked so much. 

It was easy to lose himself in the familiar movement of their mouths slidin’ together. Darwin was the first person he’d properly kissed like this, laid out in a bed with all the time in the world and not parked somewhere in the dark and fumblin’ through kisses in a car, or worse, tryin’ to wait for it to be over when he was in prison, grittin’ through it ‘till it was done. This was so much better than anything Alex could have ever imagined ‘cause he felt just how much Darwin wanted him in every move of their lips as the kiss got hotter and hotter. 

“You ever rubbed off on someone?” Darwin asked him, pantin’ for breath loudly. Alex wasn’t no better and he dropped his head into the crook of Darwin’s neck to get his breath back even as he shook his head. “Alright, baby. It’s something I really like doing. Would you wanna start with that?”

Alex shrugged, since he didn’t really know what Darwin was asking him but didn’t wanna ask and seem like an idiot. He already  _ felt _ like a fuckin' idiot for not even bein’ able to tell Darwin what he liked to do. Darwin probably thought he was a fuckin' kid, was reminded of every one of all the years between them. Sure, he wasn’t usually bothered that Darwin was a little older, but now it seemed real obvious that Alex was just a dumb fuckin’ kid and—

“Alright,” Darwin told him softly, cuttin’ into Alex’s spirallin’ thoughts as his nose ran over Alex’s cheeks, “baby, can you lift up a bit so I can get our underwear off?”

Alex nodded and went to roll away, but Darwin grabbed his hips and kept him in place. Alex frowned down at him, but Darwin leaned up and kissed him, so he stayed where he was hoverin’ over Darwin as he wiggled ‘em outta their underwear. His dick was rock fuckin' hard so he was real glad when Darwin lifted the elastic band over his straining length ‘stead of just pullin’ them down. 

Once he was free, it was impossible to stop himself from leanin’ down and rubbin’ the sensitive head of his cock ‘gainst Darwin’s skin. He was  _ right there, _ and a groan stuttered outta his lips at the sensation ‘fore his arms gave out and he dropped himself on top of Darwin’s chest. He was about to apologize when Darwin’s hands trailed all the way down his back over his fuckin' ass and  _ squeezed,  _ both of them moanin’ in unison. 

Then, he felt what  _ had _ to be Darwin’s cock, warm and hard and feelin’ fuckin'  _ perfect, _ press up against his belly which

“Holy shit, Mando,” he breathed, real overwhelmed. His hands went iron tight on Darwin’s hips, holdin’ on ‘cause it felt like he was gonna shake outta his fuckin’ skin, heat buildin’ and buildin’ in his stomach and throbbing through his aching cock and feelin’ better than  _ anythin’ _ he’d ever felt in his whole life. 

Fuckin'  _ shit, _ Alex wasn’t gonna last, not when the real sensitive crown of his cock was brushin’ through the rough hairs of Darwin’s pubes, pressin’ against the firm skin of his stomach, skippin’ over his belly each time Alex rolled his hips forward. He angled them to the side and then— _ fuck,  _ that felt even better ‘cause now every time he rolled his hips he was pressin’ up against Darwin’s own erection, their hard lengths slidin’ together and rubbin’ against their bellies, warm and slick with pre and feelin’ like  _ so _ much, too much, enough that Alex was chokin’ down a whine and bitin’ into his bottom lip and feelin’  _ desperate.  _

“I’m gonna come,” he whispered, buryin’ his face in Darwin’s neck when embarrassment raced up his spine but did  _ nothin’ _ to taper his arousal or make his cock any softer. 

‘Fore he knew what was happenin’ he was shootin’ off into the space between their bodies, his entire body shakin’ as he came. His cock was spurtin’ out ropes of come and flexin’ again and again, comin’ more than he’d come since the very first fuckin' time he found out he could make himself feel good with his own hands, comin’ till it  _ hurt  _ and he was too sensitive but his hips were still twitchin’ forward, unable to stop ‘em. 

_ Finally, _ Alex stopped comin’ but his body was still shakin’ with aftershocks as his too-sensitive dick was trapped up ‘gainst Darwin’s skin, who was still groanin’ now that it was all slick between their bodies. Alex’s come was squelchin’ each time Darwin rolled his hips up and his hands were still movin’ over Alex’s body, keepin’ their hips pressed together.  _ Fuck, _ it was almost too much, but Alex didn't know what to do about it, didn’t what to say, just wanted Darwin to feel half as good as Alex he’d just made Alex feel.

But it was too much, and there was a pressure in his chest that was makin’ it hard to breathe and harder to think. Outta fuckin' nowhere Alex started cryin’, ‘cause he was clearly a fuckin' bitch, hiding the tears in Darwin’s neck as his shoulders shook and Darwin did nothin’ but hold him and whisper to him and run a hand up and down Alex’s back in real calmin’ strokes that made him feel so, so safe.  _ Darwin _ made him feel safe, had been makin’ him feel safe since the very first time he said his name and looked him in the eye like he was somethin’  _ more _ than all the other things people made him out to be. 

Darwin was... more than Alex fuckin' deserved, he knew, but was everythin’ Alex had ever wanted and never imagined he’d have. He wasn’t even takin’ his pleasure in Alex’s body no more, even though Alex could still feel that he was real hard and pressin’ up against his stomach. 

“Baby, what’s going on?” Darwin asked him real gently. He knew, from the night before and that mornin’, that if he said nothin’, Darwin would take it. He believed that Darwin would let him get away with sayin’ nothin’ even if he knew Darwin wanted him to say everythin’. 

That made it a hell of a lot easier to pull himself up onto his elbows and look down at him. 

“I’m in love with you,” Alex whispered, vision blurred with tears but words more honest than anythin’ he’d ever said in his entire fuckin' life. Darwin gasped and before Alex’s eyes, his entire face seemed to glow with happiness that echoed in Alex’s chest. 

_ “Baby,” _ Darwin breathed, like it was a fuckin’ prayer, hands cool against his cheeks as they cupped his face, “Baby, I love you too.”

Alex laughed, breathless, ‘fore he leaned down to kiss him, pourin’ everythin’ he felt into the glide of their lips.  _ Nothin’ _ had ever felt this good. 

Eventually, their kiss tapered off, tongues gettin’ lazy and their kisses turnin’ sluggish. Alex didn’t mind, since it’d given him enough time to calm down. Actually, he was feelin’ pretty confident that he could get it up again as long as Darwin kept kissin’ him like this, which he did for a few more minutes ‘fore he stopped. 

“Stay here,” Darwin whispered against his lips, fingers trailin’ down to rest over the curve of his ass in a way Alex found real intriguing. “I’m just going to get us a warm towel to clean up, and grab us some lube, okay?”

Alex nodded, then let Darwin roll ‘em over till he was the one on top. When Darwin pulled back their stomachs stuck together and they both grimaced when their skin peeled apart.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Alex told him shyly, lookin’ at where his dried come was flakin’ on Darwin’s skin and not feelin’ the least bit sorry at all. “Guess I had a lot pent-up.”

Darwin raised a brow and said, “I certainly wasn't complaining during  _ any of that, _ darling.”

Alex nodded, feelin’ a smile curl his lips up as he stretched out on the bed, pressin’ his head back into the soft pillow and turin’ to the side so he could breathe in the scent of Darwin that was left behind. He listened to Darwin’s footsteps as he made his way into the bathroom, letting the sound of running water from the tap wash over him. He felt loose, boneless, like there was none of the tension he usually kept linin’ his shoulders. 

It was nice. More than nice, if he was bein’ honest, and the smile that curled his lips up felt real soft and real unfamiliar. There hadn’t much in Alex’s life that made him feel this happy, but Darwin had  _ always _ brought him more joy than he thought he deserved, and apparently havin’ sex with him wasn’t any different than any other part of their... well, Alex figured he could probably call it a relationship since they’d just said they loved each other. 

Alex watched avidly as Darwin walked back into the room, cock swayin’ between his legs, all of him the most handsome thing that Alex’d ever seen. Darwin straddled his lap when he came back, already havin’ wiped himself off. He was real gentle when wipin’ Alex down, startin’ with the dry, flakin’ semen on his stomach ‘fore he slowly worked clumps of it outta his pubes. He was even more gentle when holdin’ Alex’s dick, touchin’ it like it was somethin’ that deserved to be touched with care and cleanin’ him real, real softly. 

The whole time Alex smiled, lookin’ up at the man he loved and who  _ loved him, _ feelin’ somethin’ enormous buildin’ in his chest till he could barely breathe ‘round it. When Darwin was done he tossed the towel over his shoulder with a grin and Alex laughed, trailin’ his hands forward to press against Darwin’s knees and then skimmin’ the tips of his fingers up his thighs, catchin’ on the hairs along his legs and makin’ Darwin shiver. 

“Thank you,” Alex told him, a low, gentle heat buildin’ in the pit of his stomach as his eyes tracked over Darwin’s gorgeous body, eyes followin’ the little curls of his chest hair down the line they made through his abdomen till they thickened into his patch of pubic hair. His dick was heavy, still, thick where it was hangin’ off of him, the flushed crown restin’ against Alex’s stomach and makin’ him feel even warmer with arousal. 

“You’re gorgeous, Dar,” Alex told him breathlessly, skimmin’ his hands over his body and unable to look away. Fuck, he didn’t even  _ want _ to look away, not when Darwin was so easy to look at and he cared about him so, so much. Alex took a deep breath and didn't allow none of the nerves that were flutterin’ around his stomach to stop him from whisperin’, “I—I want you to fuck me.”

Darwin’s eyes blew even darker and his dick throbbed, a bead of precome spurting outta the tip in a way that made Alex feel  _ real _ good about himself. ‘Fore he could even stop himself he was reachin’ forward and collecting the bead onto his thumb, drawin’ it to his mouth and lettin’ it sit on his tongue as he grinned up at Darwin who moaned down at him loudly. 

”F-fuck, baby...” Darwin trailed off, hands clenchin’ into fists. Alex couldn’t help the way he smiled up at him, movin’ his hands even further inwards to tease at the very base of his cock. 

“I’d... you said it wouldn’t hurt, that it didn’t  _ have _ to hurt, and I believe you,” Alex told him seriously, watchin’ as somethin’ real soft ran through Darwin’s eyes. Alex reached up and cupped his face, smilin’ when Darwin kissed his palm without lookin’ away. “I want you to show me how good it can feel, okay?”

Darwin sucked in a breath and his eyes went real dark. Alex laughed when his dick filled right back up with blood ‘fore his very eyes, not stoppin’ till it was jutting out from his waist proudly. He couldn’t help himself from slidin’ his hands inwards and pressin’ against the crease of his thighs, watchin’ as Darwin’s hard cock bobbed as he pressed into his pubic bone, wonderin’ if this easy, careful intimacy always came with lovin’ someone. 

‘Fore Alex could say anything’ else, Darwin was leanin’ down and takin’ his mouth in a wet kiss. Darwin licked over his lips and sucked on his tongue, kissin’ him so fuckin' filthy his own cock hardened right back up, fillin’ with blood as his heart raced and arousal shot through him. 

“Yeah, baby,” Darwin said against his mouth, soundin’ fuckin'  _ breathless. _

It made his grin widen as he kissed back, laughin’ ‘gainst Darwin’s mouth. It felt so easy to lie there and let Darwin kiss him and he felt  _ safe  _ in a way he’d never felt when with someone this way. His chest ached with how much he loved the man over him and he cupped his jaw with shaking fingers to keep him close.

They kissed for a while longer, until Alex was once again real hard and Darwin was grindin’ against his stomach. Alex felt a little bad that he’d left him hangin’, so he trailed a hand down Darwin’s side and wrapped it around his dick, slowly slidin’ his hand up so he could brush his thumb softly over the slit in a way  _ he _ liked most, and grinning when Darwin moaned loudly. 

“B-Baby,” Darwin gasped, bitin’ into Alex’s bottom lip ‘fore pullin’ back and kissin’ over his cheek. “I’m not—I’m having a real hard time not blowing my load right now, so if you could,  _ ngh,  _ if you could stop jacking me off—”

Darwin trailed off into another moan that caused Alex to smile, but he still pulled his hand away. He leaned back ‘gainst the pillows and stretched his arms over his head, lovin’ the way Darwin’s eyes felt trackin’ over his body, his gaze hot and heavy and makin’ him feel like the sexiest thing in the world. No one had ever looked at him the way Darwin was. Darwin looked at him like he was sexy and  _ he  _ was lucky that he was gettin’ to look, and his eyes felt so different travellin’ over his bare skin that anythin’ he’d ever felt. 

“I’m ready,” Alex whispered. This time, when he said the words, he meant them in such a way he hadn’t even  _ known _ he could feel only hours ago. “I love you, Mando. I believe that you’ll make it good for me.”

“I promise,” Darwin told him seriously, fingers skippin’ over his skin, tracin’ up his stomach. Alex arched into it, lovin’ the feel of Darwin’s hands on his body, wantin’ them there and revellin’ in how good it felt to be touched when he wanted someone to be touchin’ him. “I love you too.”

Alex grinned, then squeezed Darwin’s hips and skimmed his fingers in, brushin’ his thumb through Darwin’s curlin’ bush of pubic hair, strokin’ the base of his cock real gentle and smilin’ even wider when Darwin’s hips twitched forward, more precome beadin’ along the crown of his dick, drippin’ down and shinin’ in the light. Alex trailed his thumb up Darwin’s length ‘fore rubbin’ the pearly bead into the flushed, sensitive skin and earnin’ himself a moan. 

“You’re so incredible,” Darwin whispered so reverently that Alex couldn’t even pretend that the words were anything but honest. It was hard to believe, hard to even imagine that Darwin could think so strongly about him, could  _ love  _ him, but the way Darwin was lookin’ down at him made it easier to believe. 

“C’mon, I thought you said you were gonna fuck me?” Alex asked, raisin’ an eyebrow and tryin’ to sound as collected as he could. Despite Darwin’s reassurance and his utter belief that the man would  _ never _ hurt him, he was still nervous. 

“You’re a little shit,” Darwin told him, but seein’ as his dick pulsed it didn’t sound too genuine.

Alex’s lips pulled into a smile, but he said, “But you love me,” with a confidence he’d never felt before. 

“But I love you,” Darwin agreed softly, then leaned in for another kiss. 


	4. Chapter 4

Alex couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face at the easy declaration. Never ‘fore had he really been able to imagine what bein’ loved would feel like and bein’ loved by  _ Darwin _ was better than anythin’ Alex would’ve ever fuckin' imagined for himself. Knowin’ that Darwin loved him ‘nough to  _ stay _ with him was... fuck, that felt better than  _ anythin’  _ else ever had, and he couldn’t stop the smile on his lips no matter what. 

Darwin leaned back and grabbed a bottle from the bed next to him, somethin’ that Alex hadn’t ever seen before. He flicked a lid open and poured some clear liquid into the palm of his hand. Alex figured that must’ve been lube, which Darwin had told him would make it easier for ‘em to fuck. Alex sure fuckin' hoped so, ‘specially with everythin’ that Darwin had told him already. He really wanted it to feel good, and he trusted Darwin to do that but... Alex was still a little worried. 

“Alright, baby, can you spread your legs for me?” Darwin asked him gently, his clean hand slidin’ down Alex’s thigh and makin’ him shiver. He’d never done nothin’ lyin’ on his back like this, and part of him wantin’ to get his ass up in the air for Darwin but... hell, Alex figured that Darwin new best right now, so he did what was asked and pulled his legs up, gettin’ his knees close to his chest to put his ass on display. 

Darwin smiled at him prettily, so Alex let his head rest back on the pillows, confident he was doin’ good. All he wanted to do for Darwin was be good, seein’ as that was what his boyfriend deserved. He still thought Darwin deserved more than him, but if he was gonna stick things out and stay with Alex, he was gonna be the best he could be for him. 

Taking a deep breath, Alex shivered when Darwin’s fingers slid down his thigh and pressed into the crease of his hip. He could feel Darwin’s fingers movin’ over his skin slowly, lightly, barely touchin’ and makin’ him break out in goosebumps. He took a shakin’ breath, unable to steady himself with the way Darwin was just barely touchin’ him. Then, just when the light touches were makin’ him feel like he was gonna fly outta his skin, Darwin wrapped a hand real firmly ‘round his cock and drew it up the length. 

“W-what are you doin’, Mando?” Alex asked breathlessly, air stolen from his lungs as pleasure raced through him at the simple touch. It was even better than just rubbin’ off on him, and Darwin’s hands were smooth and sure ‘round the length of him, lightin’ him up with pleasure. 

“Sorry, baby, I just wanna touch you all over,” Darwin told him, not soundin’ very sorry at all, the  _ jerk. _

Alex let himself get lost in the waves of pleasure, lettin’ out a shocked noise when a wet finger circled ‘round his hole. “Fuck,” he swore, archin’ his back even more, not sure if he was tryin’ to fuck up into Darwin’s fist or press back down ‘gainst his finger.

It was almost too much. Darwin kept strokin’ his dick in a light grip but doin‘ nothin’ more. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep half of his attention on even as Darwin’s wet finger kept glidin’ ‘round his whole in slow, rhythmic circles that had him shakin’. There was a tremor runnin’ over his skin that was standin’ all his hair on end from the way his pleasure was so, so slowly mountin’, and it was the best feelin’ in the fuckin' world. 

Then, Alex’s erection started to flag when Darwin started pressin’ ‘gainst his rim, usin’ pressure instead of just rubbin’ soft circles into the sensitive skin. He tensed up without meanin’ to, ready for the pain that he’d  _ always _ felt when gettin’ fucked and not knowin’ anythin’ else. Darwin didn’t do nothin’ but kiss his ankle and pet his thigh, and Alex took a long, deep breath as he looked into the pretty eyes of the man he loved and let his whole body go loose. 

Alex groaned when Darwin’s single finger slid inside of him. There was no pain, nothin’ but slick warmth and the gentlest of pressure that made his dick twitch ‘gainst his belly as it filled right back up with blood. Alex moaned, urging Darwin on as his finger so, so slowly pressed inside him, makin’ him feel breathless as it filled up a place of him that’d only ever known pain so gently. 

Tears burned at his eyes but he ignored ‘em, askin’ Darwin for more and more and more, tossin’ his head to the side when another finger pressed in along the first one. He felt desperate, like he was bein’ torn open in the gentlest of ways, filled to the brim with the way Darwin loved him and cared for him. 

“Mando that’s—” Alex’s voice broke as he rolled his hips down and pressed himself deeper onto Darwin’s fingers, breathless as pleasure ran down his spine and made him shiver. “Nothin’s ever felt like this ‘fore.”

“Good,” Darwin grunted, and then he slowly pulled his finger out ‘fore fuckin' ‘em back in so slowly Alex felt like he was gonna go crazy. 

Then, ‘fore he could form a single fuckin' though, Darwin was dippin’ down and gettin’ his mouth around Alex’s dick. 

“Holy fuckin'  _ shit!”  _ he cussed, halfway to shoutin’ as his entire body went tight in surprise, squeezin’ ‘round the gentle intrusion of Darwin’s fingers as he pulled away from the warm heat surroundin’ the head of his dick. 

When he finally managed to peel his eyes open and look down his body, he almost busted a second nut just from the sight of Darwin’s red lips wrapped ’round the flushed skin of his cock. Darwin grinned up at him ‘round his mouthful, lips stretchin’ in a way that looked like fuckin'  _ sin, _ and Alex threw his head back and groaned when his stomach went white-hot with heat, arousal makin’ him feel straight stupid as all the blood in his body rushed into his dick to make sure it was as hard as it could possibly get. 

Almost all Alex could feel was the tight, impossibly warm suction ‘round his dick, but somehow he had ‘nough brain power to feel the stretch of his ass when Darwin pushed back inside of him with more fingers. He let out another choked moan ‘cause it was just  _ so good,  _ and it wasn’t somethin’ that Alex would’ve ever thought could feel like this, 

Even now the stretch didn’t hurt, and Alex focused on it even as Darwin kept suckin’ him off like he was born to do it, makin’ Alex’s whole body sing with pleasure. He’d had a few blow jobs in prison but  _ nothin’ _ had ever felt like this. Never had he’d felt so good it felt like his skin was stretched across his bones as everythin’ felt like so much more than he was able to make sense of. 

Darwin’s fingers went real deep at the same time he pushed his mouth lower until  _ all _ of Alex’s dick was wrapped in warm, tight heat. He felt Darwin’s throat flutter round the head of his cock just as Darwin pressed his fingers up and hit  _ somethin’ _ Alex sure hadn’t known existed but sent white-hot pleasure into every inch of his fuckin' body. Alex made a gaspin’ sort of noise as he came, his entire body lockin’ up tight and then releasin’ all at once as his dick spurt come down Darwin’s throat, watchin’ with wide eyes and held breath as Darwin’ swallowed it all down with his own eyes closed in somethin’ that seemed like bliss, lookin’ for all the world like he was  _ enjoyin’  _ it. 

_ Holy fuckin' Christ,  _ Alex was gonna fuckin'  _ die. _ Shiverin’, Alex kept comin’  _ hard, _ feelin’ like his orgasm was bein’ pushed right outta him with the way Darwin kept pressin’ ‘gainst the most sensitive bit of his body that Alex had ever experienced, at the same time as his come was bein’ sucked right outta his slit by Darwin’s mouth, all bleedin’ together into an impossible amount of pleasure, so much more than he’d  _ ever  _ felt in his whole life. 

He started whinin’ when things became  _ too much  _ and it started hurtin’, and his hands unfisted the sheets under him so he could push Darwin away ‘cause he couldn’t do nothin’ more. He gripped Darwin’s shoulders real tight to keep him close, needed him  _ off  _ but not knowin’ what he would do if he went away. 

“I need a minute,” he managed to gasp, focusin’ on each word to make sure they got out right when his brain felt like nothin’ more than fuckin’ sludge. 

Thankfully Darwin knew what he needed, and he slowly slid his mouth off of Alex’s cock but kept his fingers inside Alex’s ass where he  _ needed _ them, and it kept him from feelin’ too hollow as his body shivered. He was shakin’ all over, wrung the fuck out, but he still wanted Darwin close, closer, and he tugged on Darwin’s shoulders. Darwin came right away, keepin’ his fingers in Alex’s ass but not pressin’ ‘gainst the bundle inside of him that felt like a fuckin'  _ button _ to his balls. 

“What the fuck,” he managed to slur, barely recognizin’ the sound of his own voice ‘cause it was so fucked out. 

“That was your prostate,” Darwin told him with a grin that looked way too proud. Fuck, Alex couldn’t even complain ‘bout it ‘cause he wasn’t even sure he’d be able to string together that many fuckin' words. 

“Fuckin'  _ love _ that,” Alex told him seriously, then pursed his lips and waited for Darwin to lean down and kiss him with a racin’ heart. 

They kissed each other easily ‘till it felt like Alex could draw in a full breath and his body stopped shakin’. The fact that Darwin was still coverin’ him with his body and keepin’ his fingers inside of Alex was the only thing that grounded him to the real world. If it hadn’t been for the points where they were connected Alex felt like he would’ve spiralled outta his skin till he was nothin’ but sensation. 

“How was that?” Darwin asked him, restin’ their foreheads together as they breathed in each other’s air. 

“Like you don’t know,” Alex huffed, but he smiled up at Darwin when the man frowned and said, “that was amazin’,” as he ran his hands up and down the smooth skin of Darwin’s sides. 

“Good,” Darwin told him seriously, then kissed along his jaw and mouthed towards his ear before whisperin’, “I wanna fuck you now, baby,” with his lips brushin’ the skin and his tongue dartin’ out to tease him. 

Alex nodded his head and tried to say somethin’ that sounded like yes but was pretty sure was just a useless moan. 

Then, Darwin was pullin’ his fingers out and leavin’ him  _ empty _ in a way that ached  _ so good, _ feelin’ nothin’ like anythin’ he’d  _ ever _ felt before. It was so good, makin’ him crave the fullness ‘stead of just hurtin’, and it was the best thing he’d ever felt. Alex rolled his hips up into nothin’ as he watched Darwin slick up his cock, wishin’ he could get his fingers, maybe his mouth, on it. He’d wait, though, vowin’ to return the worship that Darwin was payin’ to his body tonight. 

Finally, Darwin grabbed his thighs as he lined himself up, brushin’ the head of his cock ‘gainst Alex’s hole in a way that felt like nothin’ but a tease. ‘Fore he could complain, Darwin’s cock was slidin’ into his body and fillin’ him up so completely it felt like there was nothin’ else in the world but the fullness Darwin was pressin’ inside of him.  _ It didn’t hurt, _ and Alex felt his eyes begin to sting with tears. His heart raced, and he only realized he was cryin’ when Darwin leaned forward and pushed himself  _ deeper  _ to wipe his tears away. 

“Baby, what’re you thinking?” Darwin asked him clearly, but Alex could hear the worry in his voice even through the flurry of emotions rushin’ through his head and makin’ his whole body feel too big and too small at the same fuckin’ time.

“I love you,” he managed, his lips pullin’ up into a smile when Darwin kissed him even if he kept cryin’, unable to stop the flood of tears that felt like they were takin’ with him every bad memory he ever had as Darwin filled him so, so good. 

“This is the best thing I’ve ever felt,” he gasped, and Darwin pressed a grin into his neck ‘fore snappin’ his hips. “Oh fuck,” Alex groaned, gettin’ his arms around Darwin’s back and scratchin’ his nails down Darwin’s back. 

His skin rippled and shifted till Alex was able to fist it in his palms, holdin’ on real tight. He didn’t think ‘bout it too hard ‘cause _ what the fuck, _ but Darwin moaned real deeply and shivered over him, so it must’ve been good no matter. He could feel himself plumpin’ up but he didn’t have it in him to get hard, which didn’t mean that his body wasn’t burnin’ with pleasure. Each time Darwin fucked into him was better than the last, ‘till, ‘till...

“Ah!” he cried, feelin’ Darwin slam right into his prostate and shock his entire body, pulsin’ heat through him till he was sweatin’, and Darwin was sweatin’, and the heat in his chest that’d always meant destruction was glowin’ inside of him in a way it’d never had before. 

“That’s it,” Darwin growled, and his teeth latched onto Alex’s collarbone so fuckin' tightly that Alex screamed and came again, his dick pulsin’ weakly as come dribbled outta him, warm on his belly. 

He felt himself clench down, bein’ able to feel Darwin in a way he hadn’t been before, in a way that was so much more than it’d been, and he groaned loudly as Darwin fucked him real hard. Darwin was groanin’ ‘gainst his neck, then all of a sudden he stopped thrustin’ in and shoved himself real deep, pushin’ Alex’s thighs till he was half off of the bed and Darwin was all but bendin’ him in half, his hips twitchin’ up ‘gainst the edge of his ass, tappin’ his drawn-up balls and makin’ Alex whine. 

Then, Darwin let ‘em both back down and flopped right on top of Alex. 

Alex laughed, pettin’ down his back as the skin smoothed back out to normal as he held him close. He didn’t want Darwin to leave so he pressed his knees ‘gainst his hips in a silent bid to keep him where he was. Darwin was mouthin’ over his collarbone, leavin’ behind cool trails of saliva that warmed ‘gainst his heated skin. Not that Darwin’d come, his body was coolin’ back down to its usual temperature which felt blissful ‘gainst Alex’s warmth. 

They two of ‘em lied there quietly, breathin’ each other in and holdin’ one another as they both came down from their highs. Alex was glad for it, needed it, ‘cause he was feelin’ things he hadn’t  _ ever  _ felt before and he didn’t know what to make of it. It felt like Darwin had split him open and only now was he bein’ put back together, wrapped up in Darwin’s arms. It was even better than the sex, which had been the best fuckin' thing that Alex had  _ ever  _ felt, and it still felt like he was wheelin’ from it. 

Eventually, though, Darwin kissed his neck and sucked in a long breath, ‘fore pushin’ himself up and off of Alex’s bodies. Darwin’s lower belly stuck to his groin and tugged at Alex’s pubes when he lifted off, but it was way worse when he pulled out. Alex’s face screwed up at the painful feelin’ of Darwin pullin’ out and at the rush of coolness that flooded down his ass and wet the blanket under him. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to care as his legs flopped out uselessly. Alex star fished out on the bed, smilin’ at the ceilin’ and wonderin’ if this was what it felt like to be  _ “fucked out.” _

Still lookin’ at the ceilin’, Alex traced the corners where it met the walls, lettin’ his eyes travel over Darwin’s room. He was no stranger to it now, but he took his time takin’ in the view as Darwin walked back to the attached bathroom and got another towel to wipe ‘em both up with.

“Can you get up so we can put a new blanket down?” Darwin asked him from the edge of the bed, still naked, and Alex groaned loudly. 

“I mean I guess if I really have to,” Alex grouched, then groaned for real when he sat up and his ass ached. He hummed considerably when it still wasn’t nothin’ as bad as he was expectin’. 

“How’re you feeling?” Darwin called from the other side of the room. Alex watched him rifflin’ through a wardrobe before pullin’ out another blanket for ‘em and shakin’ it out. 

“Real good,” Alex told him, finally gettin’ off of the bed and pullin’ the blanket with him. He bundled it up into a pile then tossed it into the basket by Darwin’s door, pushin’ it down when it didn’t quite fit. By the time he was turnin’ back around, Darwin was right in front of him. “Oh, hey.”

“Hi, baby,” Darwin said sweetly with a sweeter twist of his lips. His eyes were shinin’ as his cool hands cupped Alex’s face and drew him into a kiss that Alex returned without a single ounce of hesitation anywhere in his body or mind. 

“Hey, think I can move in here?” Alex asked ‘gainst his mouth ‘fore he could lose his nerve. If he could confess his love and get fucked by Darwin, he could ask to move in. 

Darwin’ pulled back enough that Alex got to see his whole face transform into the most gorgeous smile he’d ever seen, and his heart jumped right outta his chest to fill impossibly with so much love it left him breathless. “I would love for you to move in here, baby,” Darwin told him seriously, before kissin’ him again. 

“Good, now get the fuck back to bed. You fucked all my energy right outta me,” Alex snapped at him, grinnin’ when Darwin saluted him and spun around. 

Alex slapped his ass, trailin’ real close after him and holdin’ his hips. This, feelin’ comfortable in someone else's space, wasn’t somethin’ Alex had ever known he wanted but now couldn’t imagine how he’d lived without it. He’d never had a family, not in any real way, and now he had Darwin who loved him more than Alex deserved but was gonna keep lovin’ him, of that Alex was now sure. 

They climbed into bed together, and Alex kissed him once they were lyin’ down just ‘cause he  _ could, _ and ‘cause Darwin had done everythin’ he’d promised him and made him feel so, so good. Darwin trailed his kisses over Alex’s jaw and over to his ear ‘fore whisperin’ “Thank you, baby,” into his skin. 

Alex made a noise and said, “Kiss me,” ‘fore cuppin’ Darwin’s jaw and directin’ their mouths back together, pourin’ into it every bit of love he felt down to his fuckin' bones. “Thank  _ you, _ Dar.”

“I love you,” Darwin told him, grabbin’ the sheet and pullin’ it up, “but you better nap quick before Erik comes and wakes us up. Or worse, Sean.”

Alex snorted when Darwin fake shuddered, stealin’ another kiss for scootin’ forward so he could lay his head on Darwin’s chest and cuddle into his side. He’d never slept with no one like this, but bein’ wrapped up in Darwin’s arms last night had been the best feelin’ ever, and Alex was excited to spend the rest of his life findin’ out how many different ways they fit together. 

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://lavender-lotion.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> kudos are much appreciated, but things have been really difficult lately, and a comment, as short and sweet or as sprawling and sporadic as you can manage, would be _greatly_ appreciated! 
> 
> i run an x-men discord server! check it out [here!](https://discord.gg/3uG3VNP)


End file.
